My Personal Army

Anyone who lives in China will know the importance of personal security. Things can get a little hairy from time to time and unless you have someone watching your back you never know when you’ll wake up in a bathtub of ice with your vital organs missing. To this end, I have employed a private security unit to take care of my physical protection. While this might seem like a lot of people for the defence of one man you’ve got to remember we’re dealing with economies of scale here. An army in China costs a lot less than it would elsewhere and you’d be surprised just how much you can get for your money.


At a glance, you can tell this crack unit of ex-PLA special force operatives are the best of the best and one can understand how they got the name “flying dragons”. Seen here parading outside my apartment notice how they are wearing urban camouflage to blend in with the surroundings for minimal visual impact while I go about my daily routine. Local triad gangs beware, ninjas have nothing on these guys.

Chinese Special Forces

No expense has been spared to equip them with the latest technology including these Segway weapon platforms with miniature assault rifles capable of firing up to 100 peas per minute on fully automatic mode. The unique sitting position allows for greater stability and manoeuvrability while firing.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this insight into my personal army and consider this a warning to those who would contemplate doing me harm 😉

David avatar

5 responses

  1. Tom F avatar
    Tom F

    Are those missile launchers in the front of the segways?

    1. I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you. All I can tell you is that they’re not headlights.

  2. Oh, but I’m a ninja.
    They could not see me.
    I was never here.
    I am behind you.

  3. Yeah, but here’s a pic of my team drilling. They’re lethal, I tells ya!

    Maybe we should set up a rumble?

    1. Anytime, anyplace! Those guys do look pretty mean but they’re lacking the Segway advantage 😉


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